Under Construction...

Waiting for the Change that may let you be comfortable around me.
I write my feeling in lose drawings Hoping they can speak to you about all that I'm still to discover.
Like the lost line of a cheap movie I dream in silence hoping you can see it screened in my forehead how much you make me want to be better. Even though that concept is so overrated and abstract...
I try to find in me any feeling that would be for something outside, but all I wish is to transform something in me. And that notion only makes me want to run away. I want to be ignored by you and all the songs that seems written for my being...
Now all those men whose walk gave me butterflies all over my heart are all invisible and mute. The word desire is only letters in an old flyer about sexy girls selling worthless pleasure.
I chose the Bounce back see-through wall I built around me. It bounces all the energy back and I feel full again. So full that I have to consciously open holes in my fingertips so it can flow away somewhere. It is love. A word. A drop of a nectar so concentrated yet light. A nectar that contaminates all around killing whatever is not open to it.
Blah, the blahs keep forcing themselves into my consumed brain that has no place to anything else anymore. My heart took it over and has all the weapons necessary to turn it all into insanity. A brain full of heart is the most dangerous tool to destroy a myth...
And I bubble throughout the city, bumping into the unseen and drained walking heads, and I look somewhere to touch and feel something similar to what I carry with me and too many times I end up kissing my shoulder. You didn't have the right to be so kind and honest! You didn't have the right to be open and secure as if all was right! You mean, insensitive, indifferent worm!...
And it all bounces back at me, throwing my arrogance to the floor and letting me dizzy wondering what to do next as a kid in time out sobbing in their room not knowing what they are suppose to learn.
I know is all here. Just don't know what yet.
I know the end of the story, it just never ceases to be, there's always a next page. We can turn it over and over again, but we won't be able to read it. It's like every new page has a new language and we will only understand and learn it once that page is all over. We can only read the past.
Blah, blahs. "Be as you are!"